… so, I like playing with men. They are fun, at least they can be. Even though they smell bad and their mouths and asses are pretty disgusting and they are much less fun to talk to than girls, they still come with the dick which compensates for most of the rest.
Except when they’re annoying. Some men, actually a lot of men do this thing where they need to feel superior so they have to be the one introducing you to everything. They treat everything, from mundanely faux sophisticated items like eating a date, to sex games like bondage, or even just regular old oral and anal sex as this big educational opportunity.
Have you ever done this before? Does it make you nervous? I’m always thinking, like I’ve known you for less than an hour and I’m fucking you, do you honestly think this has anything to do with you and your worldly experience?
Men. Stop being like that.
So, its an unusual an unexpected development…
I started this site in order to express my feminine and submissive side. Coincident to the timing of the site, my actual life took new turns. My partner and I decided to be open, she encouraged and supported me to dress and explore gayy sex - sometimes with her watching, we both got into rope bondage, I developed a little 3 month habit that I had to kick. Through everything, I always thought the end stage would be me as a femme and a sub. I was ok with that even though it scared the fuck out of me. I was willing to take the road and see where it led me.
Well, a funny thing happened on the way. I found that by letting out the girl in me, she no longer controlled me. With her not controlling me anymore, I found there was a third me, under the fake first exterior, under the sissy girl that I always thought was sitting just below that, and for the world I believed was the horrible secret I had to hide feom the world.
It toom me living in my girl self to find, and its as much a shock to me as to everyone else, an authentic masculine, dominant top. I’m not trying to say that as a brag. I dont think this me is better than the girl me (although its definitely better than the fake me that inhabited my external layer before), and in fact at first it scared me. How much? Well, I tried to keep subbing, tried to keep having sex with men as a bottom, but I found I just … couldn’t. Its not like I’ve gone all homophobe, I’m not grossed out by the idea, I just don’t get hard, and I’ve lost the drive to do it.
That drive has been replaced by what I think is probably pretty normal and familiar to most men reading this. Regular old hetero lust, and a drive to get some ass. This is pribably natural to most men, but its taken me my entire life to find it and inhabit my authentic masculine self. Ironically, its allowing myself to accept the femme in me that gave me the space to let the Man step up and take centee stage.
Sexuality…its a crazy bird.